


Honeysuckle

by Librazenith (HerBrazenElegance)



Series: A Girl in the Garden [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 03:01:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4331274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerBrazenElegance/pseuds/Librazenith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cade is left alone for the evening but not entirely disappointed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honeysuckle

She is still reeling from the kiss by the end of the day.

Armor and weapons discarded, Cade paces the open floor of her quarters, slowly draining a surprisingly decent bottle of wine considering Skyhold's distance from any civilisation, and she allows herself a moment to finally revel in recent memories of Cullen’s awkward conversation starter on the castle walls, that nervous neck rub he had a habit of resorting to, his handsome face so close to hers and then so far away when they were interrupted. _That poor scout_ , she thinks, and it brings her to smile thinking of the young boy’s face as he put the pieces together about them with Cullen staring him down. There will be talk of their relationship in no time, and frankly it doesn’t bother her at all – not when she has other, grander issues to consider.

But before her thoughts can sink with the weight of responsibility, there comes an unexpected knock at her door followed by her title, which she still isn’t all that sure about. Unfortunately she has a mouth full of wine at the same time she hears it and can’t answer right away.

“I could return at another time if this is inconvenient,” says the voice belonging to the very same man in her mind.

“No, no, come in,” Cade says not at all too eagerly. She hears the door open and close behind him and then the echo of his confident steps up the stairs. When he reaches the top she stares fondly at him, unaware of her elegance as she stands illuminated by the fireplace, chalice in hand. He returns the expression.

“I apologise for stopping by so late,” he says. “Josephine looks like she’ll be up all night at it again, and since I was already on my way to my quarters, I figured I would do her a favor and deliver this to you.” He gestures to Cade with the documents in his hands.

“You know, most men would settle for flowers or jewelry as a gift, but you have really gone above and beyond with this.” She approaches him wearily as she says so.

Cullen gives her his best apologetic smile. “I try.”

She trades him the wine for the documents and wanders over to her desk, stacking the papers neatly alongside the rest of her things to look over in the morning. Then she turns back to Cullen, who hasn’t moved and is standing patiently in his ridiculous fluffy coat, awaiting his cue to be shooed away.

“So is that it?”

“Were you hoping for something else?” He asks back with slightest coy twist.

“Well, I wouldn’t mind a kiss goodnight, at the very least,” she says, approaching him once more. She steals back her chalice and places her free hand on his face, watches his eyes flutter closed just before hers do and kisses him. She strokes his stubble with her thumb and melts into his hands braced at her lower back. Fighting the anxiety building in her stomach, she musters up the courage to say what else is on her mind.

“It does get a little lonely up in this tower by myself at night,” she says when they separate momentarily.

“Tempting,” he says and kisses her again. “Does the princess need saving?”

“Hardly,” she scoffs. “Do you really think of me as a princess?”

“No," he laughs. "You’re far too self-sufficient for that. And cheeky.” He kisses her yet again and smiles against her mouth.

Cade relaxes into him once more, waiting for his actual response to her hint, not wanting to be pushy. His hands haven’t traveled anywhere but innocent territory, but she still feels heat building up in her cheeks from the proximity.

“We should wait,” he finally says. “We’ve only just begun…whatever this is. I want to get to know you better.”

“That’s fair,” she admits, and when the words come out of her mouth a strange feeling of relief also washes over her.

“I’m glad you think so.”

They hold each other for a little longer after that. She offers him a drink before she’s finished the bottle, and he turns her down for that as well, though he admits it would probably help him rest easier. Another time, a better night, perhaps. Then they exchange farewells for the evening, and Cade is alone once more.

The second she hears the door close with his exit, she downs the rest of the sweet, red-purple liquid in her cup and pats her face softly, repeatedly, accompanied by a drawn out sigh, unsure of what to do with her emotions. She’s had a few short years to adjust to her body by now, sure, but it matters little when the moments she finds herself feeling aroused are so few and far between. It’s just thoughts, things she should be able to control, yet it overwhelms her every time. But she’s also relieved, even a bit ashamed of her suggestion to him, and when she recalls why that is, she calms down and thanks Cullen for having the reason to deny her. It’s not the first time she’s tried to rush into something without considering the consequences – and with the way things were going with the inquisition, it wouldn’t be the last.

When she’s reached the bottom of the bottle, it’s a quiet hour of the early morning and the fireplace is full of ash and dimly lit embers. Head full of drink having taken effect some time ago, Cade gives in and strips down to nearly nothing for sleep, her leaden body falling easily into the sheets. They smell like home, and they feel like home, and despite what home truly was, it's comforting and familiar.

As she lies in bed, her thoughts wander back to Cullen, and it becomes increasingly difficult not to think of all the things she’s missed out on so far in love, physical or otherwise. It happens rarely, these feelings, given how sporadic her romantic inclinations are, but alcohol and the recent memory of a new love’s embrace prove to be more than enough assistance in making her wonder what it’s like to be touched properly, to want it as much as her partner and not just feel pressured into sex. The women her parents had set her up with before, the noble girls she would likely have married if only she had fit the rigid expectations her parents had laid out for her, had certainly not been terrible lovers, and in fact she enjoyed pleasuring them during the few romantic encounters she’d had. Because they all had softer bodies than she did, smoother skin and just a slight amount of extra fat that set them apart from families that ate less regularly, softer lips and breasts that they were still coming into in their teens. They were beautiful and varied, and she admired these features each time she saw them, though always with a bit of jealousy burning through her that she couldn’t have been born similarly.

She discards the negative thoughts. It's in the past, after all. There’s no more reason to feel ashamed of her own body, no more reason to feel uncomfortable save for a bit of lack in experience - and, perhaps, that whole blood magic bit. That would need some explaining one day - a terrifying thought - but it's a day far in the future and hopefully long after the Inquisition demands her presence. Still, it’s much easier to imagine herself in the same place as those girls in her past, to imagine looking up at Cullen while he touches and kisses her the way she vaguely remembers doing for them. _Much_ easier.

Cade gropes at her small, bare chest delicately, convincing herself that it would feel this way despite Cullen’s hands being broader, stronger, likely rougher than hers. They wander not for the first time over her body, appreciating the little changes here and there however small from when she was a bit more masculine, from the curve of her jaw to the swell of her breasts, to the gentle slope inward at her waist and then back out with the shape of her hips, wondering all the while if he would ever guess she’d been anything other than female.

She doesn’t waste a lot more time getting her hand between her legs and pretending again that it could be Cullen doing this to her, Cullen making her blush and writhe, Cullen’s fingers flicking over that most sensitive spot and not stopping, not slowing down until her thighs clamp together in an effort to contain the inevitable orgasm. She moans a bit unchastely in the privacy of her room far up and away from others – as if she’d be confronted about it anyway if someone were to hear her.

But it doesn’t take long for the shame of fantasizing about someone she’s only known a few short months to catch up with her anyway, and she falls asleep guiltily.

**Author's Note:**

> I made some edits here and there that sounded better than the draft I threw up on my blog. Hope it shows.


End file.
